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It's A Matter of Trust Within Ourselves, And With Other People
The song "A Matter Of Trust" - Billy Joel ( click on the music link to watch the video ) reminds me of the various kinds of relationships I have been involved in other the years, not only inside myself, but with other people as well.

I have struggled many times over the years, in not allowing the past, to still be a matter of trust in my life, when it comes to relationships, whether it be on some kind of romantic level, family, friends, or what have you.

There has been more than one time in my life, where I questioned whether I could keep giving, being open, and vulnerable, when the trust was lacking, or had been lacking in myself at times, as well as in, and with the other person(s) as well.

Anyone who says, that completely trusting yourself, and others, when you are in the midst of the unknown, and have no point of reference, outside of the hard, and crying times, that we have all been through in various ways, is easy, is lying to themselves, and to others in my opinion.

I have lied to myself at times. I am not proud of 'those' times. Many times, I only wanted to see that the other person was struggling with a matter of trust, when it came to facing fear in my life at times, because I had never experienced, or walked that particular path before.

Its not always an easy road to walk day in and day out, not to mention when you daydream, and wish for something more down the road.

Sometimes, we all ( me included ) have to take a step back, and try and find where we lost the trust and faith in ourselves, in who we are, and have to offer, so that we can try and see, how we came to think and feel those ways at times, and how others played a role in that ( sometimes for the good and sometimes for the worse ) place and part in our life.

There have been many times, where I thought I had come to terms with many things in my past, and come to find out, as instances of the past showed in various ways, that I hadn't. And I found myself once again, experiencing some of the same things I had before.

Sometimes looking back at where we lost that trust and faith in ourselves at some point, at certain times, in certain areas of our life, as well as others, can be a very emotional, not to mention a confusing time, while we look within, and finally face all those thoughts and feelings that we had ignored, or thought we had forgotten. I have lost myself at times, by not truly facing the moment, even if it was hard, and pushing it deep down inside; thinking that by removing myself from the situation, that I had somehow had closure, and growth inside of me, when I hadn't, in the way I thought, or may have wanted.

I have had several times, when I actually did remove myself from people, and things, that were very hard for me at the time, and I lost out on some wonderful times, and memories made in myself, and with others, because I shut all of those people and things out.

Its not always easy to keep that 'door' of us open, while we struggle, and process all those things that we thought we already had.

I have put up walls with people before, because of that moment, as well as my past. Its not right that I did that. I regret doing it. At the same time, I am thankful that I have learned some of the things I have on the other end.

I have a long way to go in life, as we all do.

I relate to this song a lot. Even if we are in a relationship, wish to be one again, work, family, friends, or what have you, it all comes down to trust in ourselves, and with others.

Finding that right balance, is a daily process and struggle at times. It certainly is for me.

I hope that the song is a blessing to you, and helps you in some way, as it has me over the years, when I have been shown that by others, or needed that reminder in myself.
2 Comments:

Thank you for being present here. I hope you continue to remain in touch, open, and reaching out to others.

September 16, 2007 at 9:11 PM  

Thank you for your kind words and support Softbreeze.

This blog is cathartic for me as well :)

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I truly appreciate it.

September 19, 2007 at 12:44 AM  

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