It hurts being shunned.
|I am a man made of clay. I have flaws and imperfections. I have scars upon my heart. I have made mistakes like many of you reading this blog. I try not to make mistakes. I try not to let past get to me in the present. But, sometimes it does. And the one friend that I need to talk to the most, has shunned me, as if I had betrayed a trust, been cruel, uncaring, unwilling to listen, or stuck a knife in his / her back.|
I am not guilty of any of those things. What I am guilty of, is being human with frailties. I am guilty of allowing an insecurity to get the best of me in a moment. I am guilty of getting a little carried away in my emotion (meant for good) with a friend. And though I have apologized from my heart, I am still shunned, as if I am some terrible person that is no longer worthy of being talked with. What terrible wrong(s) have I committed to warrant such mean and hurtful behavior towards me?
I thought that friends who cared about one another talked problems over; speaking the truth to one another as best both can, instead of acting like I don't exist and no longer matter.
It hurts to be treated as if I am defective, and no longer worthy of being called a friend or treated as such. I am not some defective whack job. I am a man with a big heart that made a few mistakes.
It hurts to be treated in such a manner, when I don't believe my actions warrant being shunned.
Why am I held to some impossible standard that apparently punishes any wrong done in such a hurtful manner? Are those I have called friends not without flaws and frailties as well?
I have not sought perfection in others. I have not shut friends out of my life when they have messed up. I have done my best to be understanding of them knowing that I have my faults as well. I have done my best to be compassionate and tried not to judge harshly, lest I be judged. I have tried to speak the truth to others, even when i had to share something very personal, or had to admit something very shameful or embarrassing. I did not shut them out and turn my back on my friends when a problem or disappointment came. I believe in trying to work things out as friends, not hurting them more because they had a moment or two of weakness and exposed a flawed side of themselves.
Not every problem can be solved or agreed upon. But, if you don't communicate with the one you call friend, you will never know.
I hate when I mess up. I try not to especially with those people in my life who I call friend and hold a very special place in my heart.
My heart is hurting, because someone I still consider my friend has tossed me aside and shunned me. I would never treat my friend in such a manner.
If any of you have a friend and you two are going through a rough patch in the road, don't shut them out in silence and shun them. Talk with them not out of anger, but with open ears and heart. You both may be the better for it in the end. You may end up being the best friends you could ever imagine. But, you aren't going to know unless you try.
I hope none of you ever have to feel the pain of being shunned, especially from someone you still call friend and have in your heart. It hurts deeply.