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I don't understand and maybe I never will
Even though we aren't as close as we used to be, I still miss my friend. I miss being able to say hello to her. I miss being able to ask her how her day was. I miss being able to be a friend to her, instead of being someone that is ignored.

It was nice to be able to clear the air, but it would have also been nice to know that what she was really doing, was  apparently saying goodbye to me, without coming right out and saying, I am glad I could get some things off my heart and I do care about you, but I won't be talking with you anymore. It feels like high school all over again, where a girl says she just wants to be friends, but then ignores everything about you, as if you never did exist. I thought we were friends to begin with. And for some reason, a guy is supposed to not take it personal when a woman, who is a friend and claims to care, goes on to ignore all contact after unburdening her heart.

I wasn't asking for things to be like they had been. I realize that that isn't going to happen. What I was asking for, was having my friend be a friend, and expressing how I miss her as such.

Were the words I care about you empty words? Does that caring about someone include not sharing with your friend what is on your heart and mind? Does that caring about someone include not sharing with them when you are upset, mad, or angry about something? Does that caring about someone include completely ignoring him when he reaches out to say he misses talking with you as a friend? Does it include ignoring someone who has, and will continue to stand by you as a friend, even though you ignore him as if what he thinks or feels is meaningless, or that the friendship shared was meaningless?

I thought when we cleared the air that night, that we would still talk as friends. I had no idea that that would be what appears to be the last time you would ever speak with me again, even though you said you cared.

My heart is heavy and hurts deeply over what has been happening.  I don't understand how you can treat me this way.  We were always able to talk before. Now, it is as if I don't exist and never did.  I won't reach out anymore, as it seems you want it that way.
1 Comments:

Awww. That is rough. I'm sorry that being open and expressing your thoughts and feelings didn't have a good outcome. But don't lose that part of you, the sincerity. All you can do is let it out, and people will respond accordingly, to their own circumstances and feelings. You did what you could, and that's all you can do. My condolences for your loss of a confidant.

March 5, 2015 at 9:37 PM  

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